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Tuesday, 28 September 2010

OUR COMMON GROUND with Janice Graham • Black Boys and Single Mother Parenting : The Perils of Manhood Training October 2, 2010

                OUR COMMON GROUND with Janice Graham

OUR COMMON GROUND with Janice Graham

                                        SPEAKING TRUTH TO POWER and OURSELVES
                                          TALKING RACE in HOPE and with COURAGE
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                                                      Saturday, October 2, 2010 • 10pm ET

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Black Boys and Single Mother Parenting : The Perils of Manhood Training

The sexual abuse of boys is a crime that is often ignored and under reported. There are a number of resources for adult male survivors of abuse.   
According to the latest statistics offered by the National Center for Victims of Crime, 1 in 6 boys is a victim of childhood sexual abuse. These statistics are conservative, because most boys never report the crime. Cultural definitions of masculinity often make it difficult for boys (and adult male survivors) to reach out for help.

     Why the Allegations against Mega-Church Leader Eddie Long Matters  Part II 

Part 1: OCG Archives  September 25, 2010: Listen On-Demand

At OUR COMMON GROUND last Saturday, we hosted  a discussion of the sexual stalking, coercion and molestation  of young Black boys by the Senior Pastor of the megachurch, New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, GA,.  A caller from area code 201 raised the question of how single Black mothers are challenged with the issues of bringing male models into the lives of their sons and at the same time protecting them from sexual predators in what is generally considered to be "safe zones"- church, school and community activities and individuals. We promised that we would dedicate the next show to a discussion on the issues faced by this parenting question.  

More times than we want to admit, the anger, violence, attention deficit, school failure and a-social behavior among young Black males and Black adult are individuals working through trauma from being victimized by abuse, sexual coercion,  molestation and rape. They can't tell us because of the barrier of shame created by the image of macho and other values we buy into;  our unwillingness to face the probability of sexual predatory behavior and our fear and ignorance all around that somehow it is about "homosexuality".  The fact is, that it is not about an individual's sexuality at all, unit is about predatory criminal behavior, power, control and pedophilia. It is about our need to hide, our shame and our secrets too . . . encouraged through generations of lessons that justice will not prevail for us, that secrets are protective measures  and time heals. It is about the lack of sanctuary for our children who are victims.

So we miss the signs, we ignore them and then we point the finger in the face of real evidence and testimony.  WE BLAME THE SINGLE-MOTHER AND PORTRAY HER AS INCAPABLE OF KEEPING IT TOGETHER and an effective parent.

At OUR COMMON GROUND, we host a discussion of the realities of the blame game, and how we have missed the mark. If nothing else, note that each of the complainants in the Long suits were sons from a single Mother home.  It is time for our serious consideration of how we really care for our children.  Pedophilia and sexual predators in our community, churches and schools must be faced.  Our children will never discover personal power if our message is that POWER WINS and they have none.  We must talke, engage and affirm.  So, we shall, on OUR COMMON GROUND.


Dr. Raymond Winbush, author, scholar and leading reseacher on the issue of raising Black boys in urban environents

Raymond A. Winbush, Ph.D. is the Director of the Institute for Urban Research at Morgan State University. He received his undergraduate degree in psychology from Oakwood College in Alabama and received a fellowship to attend the University of Chicago, where he earned both his master's degree and Ph.D. in psychology. He has taught at Oakwood College, Alabama A&M, Vanderbilt University, and Fisk University. He is the recipient of numerous grants, including one from the Kellogg Foundation to establish a "National Dialogue on Race." He is the author of The Warrior Method: A Parents' Guide to Rearing Healthy Black Boys, the former treasurer and executive board member of the National Council of Black Studies, and is currently on the editorial board of the Journal of Black Studies. He lives in Baltimore, Maryland.  http://rwinbush.webs.com/aboutraywinbush.htm

 Ms. Goldie Taylor, the author of a The Goldie Taylor Project, which included last week  a very interesting and popular commentary on the Long allegations and complaint entitled, "A (not so) Super Hero: The Rise and Fall of Eddie Long"

Goldie Taylor the managing director and chief creative officer of Atlanta-based Goldie Taylor Advertising and Public Relations.
The author of “A Woman’s Worth”, an essay featured on this blog and on EbonyJet.com that gained national attention during the 2008 presidential election cycle, Taylor has been featured in Marie Claire, Black Enterprise and Jezebel magazines, among other publications.  She has been a guest columnist for the Atlanta Journal, Atlanta Tribune, St. Louis Post Dispatch, Atlanta Voice, Ebony Magazine and Creative Loafing.  She is is CEO of Goldie Taylor Brand Communications and president of GIFT—the Global Initiative for the Testing and Prevention of HIV.

A bestselling author, Taylor penned In My Father’s House (Wheatmark Press, 2005) and The January Girl (Warner Books/ Hachette, 2007). She is currently working on her third novel, The Lives of Others, and The Devil and Missouri Daniel, a family memoir.
 Goldie is the mother of five incredible children, and is thus whooly convinced that God has a sense of humor.  http://goldietaylor.wordpress.com/about-goldie-taylor/

Sexual abuse happens when an older teen or adult forces or coerces a boy to engage in sexual activity. Most boys are sexually abused between the ages of seven and nine. Boys are sexually abused by their mothers, fathers, adult or teen caregivers, other relatives or strangers. A sexual predator may start a “career” of abuse when he is a teenager and continue hurting children until he is in his forties – damaging many lives.

Some predators use money or gifts to attract boys, and for some boys just having some positive male attention is enough. The abuser gains the boy’s trust and begins to touch the boy in a nonsexual way. Slowly, as the relationship deepens, the abuser escalates to sexual touching or rape. In addition to feelings of great shame, victims often cannot overcome the feeling of betrayal.</SPAN>

Though the abuse field in general has gained credibility, we must never forget that it is an emotionally and politically charged area of interest, a point victims and advocates forget at their peril. Reasoned discussion can be difficult, research evidence is frequently dismissed or ignored in the interest of politics, and many people in the public and professions alike still don't believe that something like child sexual abuse is a widespread and serious social problem. For example, as recently as the mid 1970's, the predominant view of incest in the psychiatry profession was that it was extraordinarily rare (Freedman, Kaplan, and Sadock, 1975). 

For male victims, the situation is even more precarious. Many cultural and other barriers must be crossed by boys, teen males, the professional community, and the public even to be able to acknowledge male victimization experiences as abuse. For example, gay males have to "come out" to disclose their abuse, and so typically remain silent. Stated simply, if we do not go looking for male victims we will not find them. If we do not explore issues of abuse with males they will not tell us their stories. Consequently, and all too typically, the first time a teen or adult male offender obtains any help with his victimization is when he has come to the attention of the legal system because of his offences (Sepler, 1990).

Source: The Sexual Abuse of Boys is Under-reported http://www.suite101.com/content/the-sexual-abuse-of-boys-a272035#ixzz10knondg9

Violence toward males is so normalized in our society that it has become invisible to the average person as have the images reinforcing harmful stereotypes about males and masculinity. For example, we expect males to be physically strong and capable or "rough and tumble", thus we ridicule in comics and comedy films the short, skinny, or sensitive male. Unfortunately, young men who try to live up to the impossible standards set by bodybuilders are starting to kill themselves through the use of steroids.

Our insensitivity to male victims can be viewed in the depiction of male abuse in popular media images, commercials, comedy films and television programs, and the "funnies" or comic sections in any Canadian newspaper (Mathews, 1994). Watch America's Funniest Home Videos for a few weeks and you will inevitably see some male being injured in the testicles through a sports activity, boisterous animal, energetic child, or some other mishap. A commercial for an American fast food company, shows one of the characters from the sitcom, Seinfeld, being hit in the testicles with a hockey puck.

So we miss the signs, we ignore it and then we point the finger in the face of real evidence and testimony.  WE BLAME THE SINGLE-MOTHER AND PORTRAY HER AS INCAPABLE OF KEEPING IT TOGETHER and an effective parent.

At OUR COMMON GROUND, we host a discussion of the realities of the blame game, and how we have missed the mark. 

           OUR COMMON GROUND with Janice Graham
  “Speaking Truth to Power and Ourselves”

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Saturday, October 2, 2010
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