This is something I wrote a few years ago after the abuse I went through in my previous marriage. I know it only last 9 months and I've had people tell me that I don't know what pain is because my marriage was only 9 months but let me tell you, it doesn't matter if abuse goes on for 9 days, 9 months, or 9 years even, the effects and the scars left behind last a lifetime. Those are memories that you can't just erase. Unlike my mother, I walked away and left. When I was growing up, I saw the agony, misery, and pain my father put my mother through over and over again, making her feel she wasn't good enough, cutting her down and breaking her spirit with the abuse he put her through. Unfortunately she never left and often I was the one who tried to intervene and step in to try to protect her. I was just a kid but I still remember those days of hearing my mother crying in the bathroom or the bedroom, locking herself away, and becoming a shadow of the strong woman she once was. Her own family knew about the abuse going on which I found out when I was 17 and had moved in with my aunt that the abuse my father put my mother through started as far back when she was pregnant with me. In fact, my father once told me that he literally threw my mother out of the house and off the porch after getting into a fight with her when she was pregnant with me. I never truly understand what my mom went through until I found myself in that situation in my own marriage. I wanted to believe things would change, I wanted to believe I could save the marriage but things only got worse and I blamed myself for him taking his anger out on me, thinking I did something to deserve it. I remember the nights I'd walk out of the house, how I never told anyone what was going on, and just kept silent. Then in my last relationship when I got raped, I found myself a victim all over again, replaying that same story I had been through and the same thing I grew up around. But now nearly 6 years after my marriage ended and nearly 2 years after being raped, I'm finding the strength to take back my life and not to let any guy treat me that way ever again. You see, it's easy for us to make excuses for their behavior because we want the guy to change and sometimes we think we can change the guy but unfortunately that's just not the case. Don't stay in an abusive relationship or marriage because you deserve so much better. It's not worth losing your life for someone who doesn't care about you, who can't and doesn't love you or respect you the way they should. You're someone beautiful and special, someone to be cherished and treasured, someone to be protected and made to feel safe in a loving relationship or marriage. Don't ever think that you have to stay for fear of someone else not ever wanting you and for fear of ending up alone in life and never finding love again. For awhile, after the things I went through, I thought I wasn't good enough for anyone. I thought that I was just "sloppy seconds". It was my best friend that I opened up to about what happened in my last relationship and struggling with thoughts of not being good enough for any guy and he said the sweetest thing ever, he told me I was better then good enough. So I'm telling you girls and women the same thing my best friend told me. You are better then good enough and don't let anyone make you feel less then that or tell you any differently. Yes, I'm single and not dating right now but it's because I'm waiting for true love to find me and you know what, I know the wait is worth it. If a guy cheats on you, if he emotionally abuses you, if he physically abuses you, don't put up with it! You don't have to put up with that and you shouldn't have to because to me that's not love or respect. Have enough respect for yourself that you put yourself first and you walk away for your own safety. The day I found my freedom is the day I broke my silence and decided I had enough, that I was not going to put up with being treated that way. Domestic violence is a serious thing. People don't know what goes on behind closed doors and I know that it's not always the easiest thing to walk away but just know there's always help out there, that you are never alone in this. I only wish my mother would have known that and that she would have had the courage and strength to walk away instead of being afraid of getting out there and raising two kids on her own without any help. Always remember, you deserve so much more in your life. Better Than That by Jenna Kandyce Linch You pretend everything is all right Yet on your skin are bruises from another fight. The tears you hold back Still, each night, you fear an upcoming attack. His vicious words cut you to the core Becoming a stranger, he's not the same guy you knew before. Kisses and hugs by scars are replaced All signs of affection have been erased. In the comfort of your own home, for your life you have to fight Hiding among the shadows, you try to stay out of his sight. Every time he goes out you feel a little bit relieved Then too soon he returns and quickly shows he's peeved. Once again you become his scapegoat With you the guilt and shame you're forced to tote. When he leaves again, you break down Wondering why he removes your smile with a frown. You find yourself in a deadly game of cat and mouse Your opponent is none other than your spouse. He says he loves you but you know his words are lies Looking at him, you can see the truth hidden in his eyes. Hanging around, that things will change you want to believe Putting it all back together is what you hope to achieve. Deep down inside, though, you know it will never be the same The longer you stay, the more pain you'll endure as you take the blame. Trust me when I say that I've been there before Straight down the middle my self esteem tore. Walking on eggshells, the next attack I never knew when to expect He'd interrogate me and point out every defect. Nothing got better but only worse as time went on Finally I felt that I, too, was almost completely gone. Attempting to pick myself up, under his abuse again I shattered Thus the cycle repeated as I continued to get battered. Until I made the decision to leave, my wounds could not heal Because each time I took him back, new pain I would feel. Saving my own life, I broke free The promise I made to myself was never again would I pay that fee. Do not put yourself in danger for fear of being alone Help is out there so you don't have to face it on your own. Abuse is not love For real love doesn't hit, hurt, or shove. Never sacrifice your life for someone who doesn't care about you Hell and nightmares are not worth going through. Live a life where you're shown respect Not one in which you always hear that you are imperfect. If he can't love you the way he should, walk away Your life you'll risk by continuing to stay. Think about your safety for it comes first Don't stick around to see things reach their worst. You are someone very beautiful Who should know what it is like to feel special. You truly are worth so much more Break free, refusing to return to that life of before. The choice may not come easy to make Freedom can only be obtained when that first step you take. You shouldn't have to be trapped in silence, surrounded by sorrow For you deserve better than living in fear, not knowing if you'll see tomorrow. 'Better Than That'
Copyright © Jenna Kandyce Linch
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